The Great Escape and Sir Ian

Well, the first Test at Cardiff finished in a nail biting, and at times cantankerous, draw. Just when Australia looked like finishing England off and taking a 1-0 lead in the best of five series, Ricky decided to give James Anderson and Monty Panesar an early Christmas present by bowling Marcus North. Oh Ricky, will you never learn ? Thommo just might have had a point about your captaincy after all mightn't he ? Surely we should have bowled Hilfenhaus who had been the pick of our bowlers all Test.

Ricky Ponting ponders what to get England's tailenders for Christmas at the end of the Second Test at Lords

This match showed that whilst Australia are no longer the team they once were, they are still strong and still capable of winning the series. England need to make sure they don't let the joy of saving the match distract them from the fact that they were mauled in this game. Ignoring that will only paper over the distinctly widening cracks in the facade of Strauss's men and leave the root cause untreated. To get ready to rumble at Lords, England need to

1. Remove whatever distractions Kevin Pieterson has in his life currently that have caused his brain to temporarily leave his body. His shot in the first innings was awful but his leave in the second innings spoke of a man whose mind was on other things

2. Get rid of Swann. Cheap wickets against weak opposition simply inflated his potential

3. Give Monty some confidence. He is the best spinner in England but needs to know he is loved so that he can perform his best

4. Concentrate, concentrate, concentrate: The shots played by Cook, Bopara, Strauss, Prior and of coursePieterson, in the second innings were all awful, all either playing across the line on a low pitch or playing at balls that should be been left or defended or well, leaving straight ones

5. Find a new ball partner for Anderson. If it needs to be Broad because Flintoff is still slightly injured, then agree that every half tracker bowled in the second test will require Stuart to write a 1000 word essay on one of his Dad's innings from the 1986 Australian tour

6. Resist the urge to go back to Harmison. This is the man who once professed to preferring to watch football than playing cricket for his country. Let's just accept that he is a massive talent, massively wasted. Its a shame but its the reality. We have Symonds, you have Steve. We all need to move on

7. Man up for goodness sake ! Shaking hands with your bowling colleagues when they have 100 scored from them is not funny, it is embarrassing and woeful body language. Man up boys, look like you care !

From an Australian point of view, not much needs to be done. I suggest the following tune up items

1. Completely renovate the technique of Hughes in the 3 days before the Lords Test. Let's lead with hypnosis and electro shock therapy before moving onto tieing a rope to his back foot before he bats and attaching it to something stationary (this was done to me at around age 13 by my batting coach Mr Madden. Whilst somewhat humiliating and like electro shock therapy in many ways, it works wonderfully well in teaching balance as well as how to strap an injured ankle)

2. Ensure Mitchell Johnson bowls 30 overs a day in the days before the 2nd Test to warm up. Ensure Troy Colley takes the advice of Bryce Thompson and removes Mitchell's ring finger from under the ball at the moment of release, thereby unscrambling the seam

3. Feed Peter Siddle nothing but raw meat and lock him in a room watching endless re-runs of Botham's 81 Ashes and Chris Broad's batting show case during 86/87. Fire up Pete !

********************

Before the Test I made a few big calls on what I was certain would occur. Let's see how I fared

I said: Australia can't play spin, especially left arm finger spinners

What happened: England's two spinners took a grand total of 1 wicket between them

Status of Big Call: Shaky at best. Swann looked barely a first class bowler, let alone Test quality. Monty looked below his best

I said: Nathan Hauritz was less than adequate as a Test bowler (I can't remember the exact words)

What happened: Nathan took the same number of wickets as the entire England team (6)

Status of Big Call: Still correct, first Test form is a notoriously poor indicator of performance over an entire series

I said: Hussey would be the form Australian batsman this series

What happened: Score three in a monstrous batting display from Australia

Status of Big Call: Appears determined to embarrass me

I said: Johnson would be first picked and would run through the English attack , whilst scoring hundreds with the bat

What happened: Umm, pretty poor bowling from Johnson most of the time and he didn't get a bat

Status of Big Call: Give him a break, he just needs to get warmed up.

I said: Siddle would be the pick of the Australian bowlers

What happened: Was very good at times, quite meek at others. Nice throat ball to Bopara

Status of Big Call: Seriously under question

I said: Strauss would lead from the front and make runs

What happened: Never looked comfortable with the bat, looked a little at sea with the captaincy

Status of Big Call: Might be time to back away from this one

I said: Anderson will swing it both ways at pace and confound the Australian batsmen

What happened: Australia batted for 3 days, scored 4 hundreds and an 83. He did swing it both ways though

Status of Big Call: Still on the cards but admittedly has yet to materialise

Plenty of time for the Big Calls to come good !

*******************

Aside from the cricket itself, one of the strangest things about the first Test was the behaviour of Ian Botham in the Sky commentary box. I hadn't seen much of Ian since he managed to slip under the gaze of Royal handlers and receive a Knighthood but was absolutely intrigued to learn that he happily let all of his commentary colleagues, some of whom were ex-team mates and even captained the Beefsta, call him Sir Ian at all times. All except Michael Holding who, for reasons known only to Ian and Michael, was allowed to call him Beefy.

Ian, sorry, Sir Ian, is an interesting fellow to say the very, very least. On one hand he has tried his hand at most extra curricular activities from drugs, to fighting Australian ex-Captains to wenching, to well, just about everything you can think of. It seems that the only thing he missed out on was text message based scandal but I am sure that Warnie can help him out when they meet up for the second Test. On the other hand he is a potential Tory MP and a great fan of ex-Tory leader William Hague. Ian is a classic Game of Two Halves.

Is it just me, and I freely admit that it may be, or does sitting there smiling smugly whilst people that you have known for 35 years call you "Sir", smack of the grossest pomposity ? Ian, surely the years have mellowed you, surely you are now a self confident and happy individual ? Surely ? Possibly ? Maybe ?

Kath Botham made the Palace Guards promise to make sure Sir Ian didn't have an opportunity to spend any alone time with the Queen post Knighthood

STOP PRESS: ANDREW FLINTOFF HAS RETIRED FROM TEST CRICKET. Amazing. He will play out the Ashes and then concentrate on one day matches and the devil's game, 20 20. So long Freddie and thanks for all the bruises

Don't Panic !

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the book that elevated the towel from simple drying aid to the role of essential DIY tool, strongly cautioned against panicking. So much so in fact, that it famously emblazoned the words "DON'T PANIC" on its front cover. England's cricket selectors would do well to grab a towel and wrap it around their head whilst closing their eyes tight, lest they be assaulted with a wide variety of media outlets urging them to do exactly what the publishers of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy have taken such trouble to help them avoid.

The English editor of Cricinfo, for example, seems prepared to do anything

"On today's evidence, it's going to be nigh on impossible to resist affording Steve Harmison one final, final shot at redemption if England are to claim anything from this series. It really is looking that desperate right now"

Is it really ? Let's remind ourselves of a few things to stop ourselves from panicking, or over-celebrating depending on nationality

1. Australia have not become useless overnight

Yes some all time greats have retired and no, their replacements aren't as good. No, there is no longer Warne and McGrath to throw the ball to when times get tough and I agree Hughes andKatich aren't as imposing as Langer and Hayden. But this team is up and coming and contains mostly very capable players. The replacement batsmen might not be young but they are far better than given credit for in the past couple of weeks. Katich has had an amazing last few years including a triple hundred in domestic cricket. Marcus North is also no mug. He has played for 5 counties, knows England well and is patient. He has also matured in his outlook, especially since he took on the West Australian captaincy. Ponting and Clarke are still as they ever were andHussey will bounce back.

The reason Australia became so good was to pick good young players with the right attitude and then give them confidence by showing faith in them. This is what has been done with the quick bowlers in this side. Time for another big call: Johnson, Siddle and Hilfenhaus will be the nucleus of the team for the next 5 years and all take over 200 test wickets. We do need a spinner though but Hauritz looked like he could walk and talk at the same time in England's first innings and who knows, might take some wickets in the second.

On the keeping side, Haddin still puts down too many chances for mine, but his batting is often sublime. Let's not forget that Gilchrist's keeping wasn't always particularly flash either so, dare I say it, we haven't lost a great deal with Haddin.

England are not behind to the Netherlands here, they are playing a fairly good team.

2. England have also not become useless overnight

After 4 days of the series, I hear talk of 1989 again. You remember the story: an unheralded Australian team batting for days and days and wining the Ashes easily. Well, if we hear much more about that we may as well pack up and go home now because using 29 players and 4 captains gifted the Ashes to Australia back then and total panic would do the same now.

Let's not lose sight of the fact that England have a strong top 6 and a bowling attack with variety. Cook and Strauss still have good records, Collingwood still scored a double hundred in Australia and KP is still, for all his faults, a marvelous batsman. Anderson still swings it both ways at pace and Flintoff will always be the lion of 2005 to me.

At the same time, England need to be a little more realistic about one or two of their team. I don't want to sound blunt but Graeme Swann is not a great bowler. In fact, I think he is substandard. He has taken wickets against fairly weak teams and has an action unsuitable to getting any drift through the air. Let's not be surprised that when he comes up against reasonable opposition that he doesn't go through them like a dose of the proverbial

England don't need major personnel changes. The have the talent.

3. The difference has been a simple one but is difficult to change

The difference between the two teams so far has been attitude, not ability. How many times do I have to listen to English players complaining about the circumstances they find themselves in

"Hopefully the ball won't swing - we didn't get any which was obviously disappointing - so hopefully that continues"

Way to think positive Paul Collingwood.

Then I see an interview with Swann where he was discussing the lack of turn ? What ? Even poor little Nathan was turning it on Day 1. These guys are deluding themselves.

Graeme Swann was prepared to do anything to extract some turn from the Cardiff pitch

Then we move onto the Daddy of them all: KP. Not only did KP tell anyone who was listening that

"it was just unfortunate it hit me on the head",

but he then sat in the stands and whacked himself in the forehead with his hand for the cameras. Kev, a big man would just admit that they played a silly shot. This bloke should be the best batsman in the world but his ego is constantly working against him

It is difficult to blame one person for 5 days worth of sport but that shot was undoubtedly the turning point of the Test. Pieterson should have cruised to a big hundred and England should have got at least 550 on the back of it. Instead, he scored 69 and England were about 120 short of what could have been. Let's hope for their sake, it isn't the turning point of the series.

Meanwhile, what was the fairly maligned Marc North thinking ?

"Regardless of where you play and whatever the conditions, if you get in, make sure you go on and get a hundred, and if you get a hundred, try to get a big hundred"

And that's the difference. Hang your head KP

Ford: Don't panic... don't panic...

Arthur: So this is it. We're gonna die.

Ford: Yeah. We're gonna die.

[pauses]

Ford: No... no! What's this?

[goes over to control panel]

Arthur: What's that?

Ford: What's this...? What's this...?

[flips switch]

Ford: This... is... nothing. Yeah, we're gonna die.

Youth Gone Wild

Since I was born they couldn't hold me down

Another misfit kid, another burned-out town

Never played by the rules I never really cared

My nasty reputation takes me everywhere

I look and see it's not only me

So many others have stood where I stand

We are the young so raise your hands

Day 2 saw a couple of the youngest members of both sides have an opportunity to really make a mark on this series. Neither Phillip Hughes nor Stuart Broad were able to live up to the hype. Let's look at why

Understandably, Phillip Hughes needed a cuddle after facing his first over from the King of 2005, Andrew Flintoff

I am going to make a prediction right here, sitting squarely in the middle of Stanford's Lap, that Phillip Hughes will not be successful in Test cricket long term unless he fundamentally changes his technique. To make sure it is a prediction that will either give me a reputation as a Seer or make me a laughing stock, I also predict that he will not be in the Australian Test team on 10 July, 2010

Don't agree ? Well, ask his opening partner, Simon Katich. He had similar thoughts 18 months ago

For all the discussion, and there has been much discussion, about Hughes getting out to Harmison twice in a warm up game, we are all missing the real problem here: Hughes hasn't got a shot on the leg side. Forget difficulties with the short ball, he is a left hander that can't even turn the ball off his hip. I think this is a one off in the history of international cricket. If there is one thing all left handers can do, it is work the ball off their rump. Instead, Phil basically ignores or fends off anything near his body and tries to jump inside everything else with his Twist and Shout technique ... and here is the second problem: the jumping.

Hughes moves around so much on the crease, trying to give himself room to cut, that he is often in motion, often in the air, when playing his shot. This is death is most cricket but even more so at the top level ... and thus it was when he faced Flintoff: jumping away to try and squirt out a cut, he under edged one through to Prior who took a smart catch (and continues to look good with the gloves today). England were back as was their hero, Flintoff. By the way, what is it about this Flintoff fellow ? He bowled one ball yesterday and the pitch, and the match, looked totally different. I am still a bit in awe of this guy. He is a fantastic bowler.

Sure, Hughes raced to 28 off 30 before lunch but Anderson and Broad bowled the biggest load of tripe possible to him and fed his cut shot. This was such a disgraceful bowling display that when SBS Australia commentator Rodney Hogg was asked how he would bowl to Hughes he replied,

"Watching Hughes jump around all over the place, I couldn't help wondering how Andy Roberts or Dennis Lillee would bowl to him ... and it wouldn't be half trackers outside off stump"

No Hoggy, it most certainly would not have been

Bowlers all over the world are now going to bowl straight at Phillip from now on and he is going to struggle to get one off the square, mark my words

For reasons Stuart Broad could not explain, by the end of Day two Ponting and Katich were seeing them very well indeed

Stuart Broad was always going to be a bowler. Being the son of perpetually cranky international opening batsman Chris Broad, it appears as though every time a young Stuart asked Dad to play cricket with him, he got a reply along the lines of

"Sure, what don't I bat and you can have a go when you get me out"

Whereupon Stuart would begin another day of 75 overs straight, interspersed with trips next door to fetch the ball off the roof of the neighbours conservatory. When he was finished, he would be sat down and told stories about Dad's exploits in 1986 / 87 (which frankly still bring me very close to tears. Why could we never get him out ?!)

Clearly, he is a very talented cricketer. His batting technique is wonderful (and in actuality he was about to flourish as a teenage opening batsman before growing a foot in half a year and realising his bowling was quite effective) and his height gives him the occasional unplayable delivery. However ...

He is not an opening bowler.

He doesn't do enough with the ball to warrant the new cherry and he is far too inconsistent. His bowling to Hughes before lunch yesterday was a great example. At a time when England needed precision and pressure, he provided Hughes the opportunity to exercise all of his two shots (the cut and the back foot cover punch). Why would England not open with Flintoff ? It seems crazy.

In short, Broad isn't ready to carry the England attack. Strauss needs to use him as an effective backup bowler and a number 8 batsman that can get handy runs and let Broad learn his game. He will get there, he is now bowling at almost 150 km/h at times and has the best back foot cover drive since Sobers according to Sir Geoff Boycott (although not everyone agrees). Just give him a few years to get ready, otherwise England risk ruining a great prospect.

On with Day 3 !

Quick highlights so far

• Ponting: Wonderful with the bat, still slightly crap as a captain
• Katich: Determined and deserving
• Hussey: On a mission to make me look silly
• Swann: Poor
• Monty: On the way back. Come on Monty !
• Flintoff: Still an enormous presence
• Prior: Looking great

They call us problem child

We spend our lives on trial

We walk an endless mile

We are the youth gone wild

We stand and we won't fall

We're the one and one for all

The writing's on the wall

We are the youth gone wild

We are the youth gone wild

Youth Gone Wild, Skid Row, 1989

Day 1 and the Falcon makes a welcome return

The morning of the first Test dawned and I almost got my preferred bowling attack but Nathan Hauritz snuck in front of 2006 / 07 hero Stuart Clark on the highly dubious grounds of the pitch being too dry. Hmm, yes well, I am sure leaves on the train lines, causing mass cancellations all over British Rail, sounded plausible at the time as well.

Once play got started, it was meekness all around. Australia started quietly with too much loose stuff from Johnson while Cook and Strauss worked the ball around nicely. Just as England looked like getting away, Cook played a woeful shot, hanging the bat out to dry and Hussey took a blinder at gully. Good catch but soft shot. If England ended the day behind, it could be traced back to that shot.

Next to go, Strauss got a fast short one from Johnson but played it like he had never seen a short ball before and gloved it into the slips; not the short of shot you should be seeing from your opener. He clearly learnt from Philip Hughes during the Australian's recent stay at Middlesex.

Next to go was a man whom I am convinced really had never seen a bouncer, Ravi Bopara. Ravi played his first bouncer with the worst technique I have seen since Danny Morrison from New Zealand headbutted a bouncer from Craig McDermott. Ravi just sort of let the ball from Siddle hit him in throat. The worst thing from an Australian point of view is that despite Siddle walking down the pitch, all he did was stare at Bopara; no swearing, no spitting on his shoes, nothing. How on earth do we expect to win the Ashes when everyone has been told to be on their best behaviour ? Imagine telling Steve Waugh or Alan Border that there was to be no sledging ? There would have been instant strike. Anyway, Johnson put Ravi out of his misery, deceiving him for a second time with his slower ball. If there is a bandwagon full of people not convinced about Bopara at 3 then find it, buy me a ticket and help me get my bags in the boot, because I am now on it.

Pieterson and Collingwood then looked solid until KP perished playing a somewhat odd shot. OK, it was a little more than odd. Sir Geoff Boycott called it "stupid" and described KP as a "dozy so-and-so". Most Australians would would know this dismissal as a "Falcon", the act of bouncing the ball off ones head, and it is great to see it makes its way into an Ashes series. Kevin, you are ever the innovator.

Any who got KP's wicket ? Yes, that's right it was the Stanford's Lap's very own Nathan Hauritz. Nathan's low expectations worked a treat. KP himself paid Nathan a compliment of sorts, noting it was not easy to put him out of the ground each ball

"It was hard to hit him down the ground for straight sixes"

Well, I suppose that is better than it being easy to belt him over long on

SBS Australia commentator, and fellow spinner, Stuart McGill was just pretty chuffed Nathan didn't come to any physical harm whilst bowling

"The good news is that he (Hauritz) bowled to Kevin Pietersen and Paul Collingwood for a long period of time and didn't get hurt"

Oh low expectations, is there nothing you can't solve ?

Speaking of the SBS Australia commentary, Rodney Hogg has joined the team. Hoggy took 41 wickets in the 1978/79 Ashes and is a fairly quirky character. Cricinfo's profile is short but contains a couple of gems

"He once had his wife erase the videotape of a soft dismissal while batting in a Test, saying he did not want his son to see him as a coward. Later, he fulfilled a long-held ambition to open a greengrocery"

Fast bowling: the gateway to shopkeeping

Anyway, Prior got some good quick runs and his batting continues to impress me and even Flintoff looked capable with the bat again. England squandered a chance to really put their mark on this series through some weak batting but at 7/336 on a pitch that is already wearing badly, they are clearly ahead. Australia need to restrict them to under 350 or risk being bowled out cheaply by England's spinners. Broad is the key this morning as he is capable of proper cricket shots and can make a stylish 60 or 70. If he does that Australia are gone in this Test

Who says 20 20 has influenced Test cricket ? Not Kevin Pieterson, commenting with his tongue out, eyes closed and the ball bouncing off the head

Aside from KP and Nathan, all eyes were on Mitchell Johnson. As Dave rightly mentions, it only took about 10 minutes for Sky to roll out Botham to explain in detail why Mitchell would never swing the ball. It wasn't a bad explanation ... but not complete.

Unknown to most cricket followers, fellow cricket obsessive Bryce Thompson has been hard at work researching Johnson's technique. So much so, that he emailed Cricket Australia CEO James Sutherland with the results of his analysis

"It’s there for everyone to see – the ring finger on the left hand tucked up kissing the ball at the moment of release"

What are we paying Troy Cooley for if this is yet to be sorted out ? Bryce is still yet to receive a reply which speaks volumes about our recent plunge from the top of the ICC rankings.

Bryce also pointed Standford's Lap to the real reason why Johnson looked a little out of sorts: Mum and Girlfriend trouble. It seems Mitch's Mum is a bit upset that he has been taking his girlfriend on tour and leaving her at home, even going so far as to call Jessica Bratich "bitchy". She also laments recent lack of contact with her son

"Up until he met Jessica we were very close . . . but he hasn't spent a night under my roof since he met Jessica"

Looking at recent sightings of Jessica, I agree that it is a total mystery why a 27 year old would choose to spend his evenings with his girlfriend rather than watching TV with Mum.

Whilst on the subject of WAGs, I see that a war has broken out between WAGs of the different Australian sporting codes. The cricket WAGs appear to perform admirably against their opposite numbers but have a very long way to go before they can compete with their English Football counterparts.

Enough about the WAGs, on with Day 2 !

Jessica Bratich and Mitchell Johnson pop down to the shops for a pint of milk and a loaf of bread

180 All Out

That's what I texted to Stewart as England meekly surrendered their third wicket today.

'Bold Prediction' came the reply. It should have been crap prediction. We're not even past the first day and I'd already succumbed to those inner feelings of doom when we play the Australians and throw wickets away.

Bopara had spent most of his time at the crease looking like a startled rabbit whenever the ball came above waist high. Nasser Hussain and Bumble chuntered endlessly on Sky about '...tennis ball bounce'. Nasser had predicted it in his pitch report and they were delighted when it started to happen. Beefy picked over Mitchell's Johnson wrist action and confidently predicted that he '...wouldn't swing it'. All this after three overs.

Spot the ball...
Then KP and Collingwood dug in and something strange happened. There was no Shane Warne to toss the ball to. Ricky looked a bit perplexed. Hauritz and Clarke bowling in tandem let England accumulate and rotate.

Just as these two started to get going they fell foul to poor shots. Pietersen's I could do a Phd on. Appalling. Sometimes you have to wonder what goes on in his head. This is the friggin Ashes, not 20/20 slap and tickle stuff. It's about building an innings, batting all day. Sir Geoff went apoplectic on Test Match Special. No doubt my Dad did sat at home.

Freddie showed some flashes of glory as he and Prior started to take things away from the Australians. Prior in particularly was in superb form and they both punished the new ball. Late on Siddle dismissed both and the balance of power was, well in the balance.

If England can get another fifty then they will be happy but on a day when too many batsman got themselves out I reckon it's honours even.

So after all the hype we've finally begun. Day one has given us a glimpse at the summer ahead. Australia as we know are not the power they once were, you could see that when Clarke and Hauritz bowled in tandem. There were however glimpses of danger. The endeavour of Siddle, the cunning of Hilfenhaus and the ability of Johnson to slip up a gear unexpectadly. Both teams have put down markers. Neither has dominated.

Sky Quote of the day:

'...tennis ball bounce' ( Various )

TMS

'...that's the end of the Katich experiment.' ( Vic Marks )

Minutes to Midnight

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

Well, its just about to start. The 2009 Ashes is finally here. With the first ball only now minutes away, we still don't know the final make up of either of the sides, we still don't know whether we will get any play due to Welsh July weather and the ECB still haven't invented a reason for playing the first Test at Cardiff aside from Australia not having lost at Lords since 1934. As usual, Paul Nixon has an opinion, as does Warne. Interestingly, they both use the same key word: "Disgrace"

With minutes to go before kick-off, let's run through a few quick predictions

Number of rain interruptions before highlights of "Botham's Ashes" in 1981 is replayed during the English coverage: 1. With the Cardiff weather prediction, settle back into your chairs and expect it during the first two hours of the series

Number of rain interruptions before highlights of the Bodyline series from 1932 / 33 is replayed during the Australian coverage: 0. Highly likely to have already been shown multiple times, in slow motion whilst some sort of rousing music is being played. Gee, we are still cranky at Jardine. Expect to see us posthumously bring him up in front of The European Court of Human Rights at The Hague in the very near future

Best commentating combination: SBS have the Australian free to air rights and have employed Greg Matthews, Stuart McGill and the elusive Damien Martyn. Literally anything could be said. Unfortunately, Dean Jones, the man who really does say whatever he is thinking, isn't with us again this time. He and Greg Matthews were a surprisingly good team back in 2005. Let's hope Under the Grandstand is back during the lunch breaks again

Most unlikely turners of the series: The spinners of course. With all the talk of reverse swing, Flintoff and Johnson, we are risking forgetting that Australia struggle to play spin, especially left arm finger spin for some reason. Daniel Vettori, Monty Panesar and even the guy Geoff Boycott refuses to call a spinner, opting instead for "Slow Bowler", Paul Harris, have all had us in trouble in recent times. England have had a relatively warm summer so the pitches will be a little drier than normal and thus spin more. Chances of the Barmy Army re-naming the "Super Fred" song "Super Swann" by the end of the series ? Low probably, but Monty and Swann could have a much bigger impact on the outcome that most people realise.

Oh yes, Australia have Nathan Hauritz waiting eagerly in the wings, ready to ... well ... no one really knows but he is there and Warne thinks he might as well be picked now that he caught the flight

Monty is no longer England's number one spinner, but is still a clear number one in the long jump stakes

Most runs for Australia: Hussey. Endured a terrible run over the past 12 months but sprang back to form in the last couple of weeks and looks ready. I heard Nasser Hussain predict the same thing to Atherton the other night on sky and find myself in whole heated agreement. FYI, I have finally forgiven Nass for the double hundred he made at Edgbaston in 1997 whilst I watched Australia go down in 4 days and was sung to by 20,000 happy English supporters. Well, maybe not forgiven him, but I have made significant inroads into my anger.

Anyone that thinks Hussey is finished as an international cricketer hasn't watched his technique or reviewed his stats in England.

Most wickets for Australia: Peter Siddle. Unheralded I know, but will really come of age in this series

Brad Haddin and Michael Hussey look somewhat sheepish at being photographed bonding in the manner of modern Australian cricketers

Keeper to miss the most chances: Haddin. Let's be honest, he is a frustrating guy. His technique, when not really required to do much, is top class; his feet move well and his hands are soft. Give him a stumping opportunity or a regulation catch and he misses far too many of them. The fact that he is capable of getting quality runs doesn't compensate: drop Pieterson on 10 and you will need to make an awful lots of runs to get back to even. Prior is very similar to Haddin but has improved his keeping recently. Little known fact: Got his permanent place in the NSW side at the expense of my childhood wicketkeeping coach, Paul Ryan. I am still subconsciously cranky with Brad about that.

Let's just all be grateful that Geraint Jones has been put out to pasture, his woeful wicketkeeping was a terrible low light of 2005

Runs made by Mitchel Johnson: 385. I predict, somewhat boldly, that Mitchell will score a 130, two 80s and a few other bits and pieces. Expect to be amazed by his batting, he plays quality shots and hits the ball hard. Of course, the ball could swing and he might get 8 ducks. Let's see !

Most wickets for England: Anderson. I have watched Jimmie on TV quite a bit and he has improved tremendously. He now swings it both ways at pace and Australia will struggle with him

Most runs for England: Difficult to go past predicting Pieterson here but I am going with Strauss. Has thrived with the bat since taking on the captaincy and I see nothing changing in this series.

Result: A tough one but I am going with Australia winning 2-1

On with the show !

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"Happy Ashes to all, and to all a good-Ashes."

A spinner: Just what Ricky always wanted !

The words of the day are "Homespun" and "Crap"

Philip Hughes displays his "Homespun" way of playing the short ball

"Homespun" is the phrase you most hear used to described the technique of Australia's new batting sensation, Philip Hughes. Out of all the possible ways to describe a new opening batsman, I am sure homespun is the last one any young man making his way in the world of international cricket would want to have associated with him. Homespun means uneducated, dodgy and weird. It evokes images of something sold from a dirty old rug on a card table, at the car boot sale which operates down the end of the road in the park each Saturday. Homespun is how you might describe the quilt that Granny made you, the one comprising of random bits of Granddad's underpants and singlets / vests, tied together with used dental floss. Amy Winehouse has a homespun ideas on a good night out and George W Bush had some homespun ideas on Iraq. Homespun is almost never good

Philip and his technique were on show yesterday at Worcester in the first day of the final warm up match before the Ashes begin. This didn't start so well with big Steve Harmison, having dragged himself to the ground after finding out that there was no football on the television that day, bouncing the first ball off Phil's helmet; not a good start. Steve bowled a spell to young Hughes that I am sure will have the entire cricket world pressing rewind on the video a great many times. He was short and fast, right at the ribs of Hughes and Phil looked nothing like the run machine that he has been in Australian domestic cricket or, more recently, for Middlesex

The problem for Hughes is, as well documented, he takes a step to leg as the bowler delivers the ball to make room for himself on the off side. This is wonderful when they are short and ripe for cutting but not so good when they are about to lodge in your rib cage. Stepping back twists you around a little and puts your front shoulder more towards mid off. This lets Phil crash ball after ball through point but closes him off to the leg side. Stand up and try it and home or in the office. It does twist you doesn't it ? Keep standing

Now imagine a juicy half tracker outside off coming down. Try to cut it. Wow ! 4 runs and didn't it feel good. You bet. Go back to your stance. Now push your back foot out a little and twist again. Look forward. Now imagine a ball pitching outside leg and heading for your arm pit. How does it feel ? Let me guess: scary ? Probably.

Closing yourself off in this manner is the reason why most knocks to the head happen to tail-enders (i.e. the people not trying to hook but to evade). It is next to impossible to do anything with a short ball when you have done the twist except either

a. duck; OR

b. get hit

So, often after the twist comes a shout. Let's call this technique the "Twist and Shout"

I worry about Philip Hughes. I fear his homespun technique has never really been tested. As we all know, this is not uncommon with people very new to big time cricket with an odd technique. Some make it (think Chanderpaul and Katich now) but most don't.

If it hadn't been tested before, the old twist and shout sure will now because anyone who bowls to him forever is going to be aiming at his right arm pit. For Australia's sake, lets hope the shouting is being done by the bowlers, not by poor little Phil.

Lastly, I wonder if Harmison will get picked ? He bowled well on day one. For attitude alone, I wouldn't pick him in the Test team but if I was English I would sure want him in this game, bashing up the Australians

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Ricky Ponting: Crap (but does one hell of a Blue Steel)

Well, after all the talk about Thommo in the last posting, it is great to see that he has been reading not only this blog but the 2005 one as well. I hate to say I told you so but 4 years ago I had quite a long rant about the poor quality of Ricky Ponting's captaincy. Let's all reminisce by going here and look at the section under the heading "3. Captaincy".

Thommo seems to have summarised all of these thoughts into one word: "Crap", or "----" as the Telegraph called it. Ahhh Thommo, no wonder we love you so. Let's bath in some of the oratory brilliance that the great man provided us with

"I thought Ricky was crap when he was first captain in 2004 and nothing much has improved since then"

Concise yet insightful.

"everyone at home thinks he's shit "

Honest and to the point

"The choices he makes, his field settings and the things he does are never right"

Well, I guess if he's shit the chances of his field settings being brilliant are relatively low

"I couldn't believe it when he'd been picked as captain"

Clearly Thommo is a man of the people as neither could the rest of us

Let's bear in mind that the great man is 58 with nothing left to prove and without a doubt in the most relaxed from of mind he has ever been in. Imagine him in 1974 !

Not content with the 2005 blog, he clearly also read the previous posting's thoughts on Nathan Hauritz as Thommo had a word or two to say about Nathan also

"he's got a bloke in there who can't even spin a ball [Nathan Hauritz]. Simon Katich and Michael Clarke have more chance of taking a wicket than Hauritz. Why go for a guy like that? I don't rate Hauritz"

Yes well, I sort of picked up your lack of rating before you finished the sentence Thommo but I happen to agree with you; not many people do rate Nathan in fact

We are also in agreement on Brett Lee

"I don't see a place for Brett Lee in this side. He hasn't played for such a long time"

I am especially in awe of a man who goes against group think because he obviously doesn't rate Mitchell Johnson either

"Mitchell Johnson is a handy bowler but ... he's a really good batsman"

Let's remember Mitchell opens the bowling and bats 9

Thommo, don't ever change. We love you just the way you are and all look forward to some more insights as the series progresses. Not long to go now !