So much has happened in the last week that it has difficult to fit it all in. Let's start with a little bit of 4th Test discussion.
I tipped the match to end in under four days but we were all done in a little over two. Another terrible match for Bopara who much surely go before the 5th Test, a mediocre return from The Man that Never Will, Steve Harmison and some more wonderful batting from Ponting and North. 1-1 with all to play for at The Oval and my original call of a 2-1 victory to Australia still a distinct possibility.
I don't think we need to pick at the carcass of this match too much. However, we do need to discuss the reasons for England still being susceptible to a complete and utter collapse. Why is it that a group a good players can swing so wildly between dominating the 2nd and 3rd Tests to playing like a bunch of frightened school children in the 4th ? Don't tell me it is because Stuart Clark suddenly appeared at one end, bowling 127km/h line and length, it has to be more than that. I actually don't have a very good answer at all and would welcome all comments. Something in the England system creates good players that also have the potential for occasional moments of mass panic and destruction (See also Adelaide 2006 and Sabina Park, Feb 2009).
Beware Australian fans, England will bounce back. Expect much stiffer opposition at The Oval. This really makes the occasional English falling apart such as here at Headingly all the more confusing. They are sort of like lightening strikes in their surprise and ferocity. We just need to remember that people hardly ever get hit by lightening twice.
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Justin Langer is a man with an opinion or two on English cricket. He is also a man with access to email. Put these two together and you have .... "The Langer Dossier".
When you read the various media reports, The Langer Dossier is "explosive", it "rips England apart", it is "scathing", "leaked", "secret" and, probably out of surprise at Langer being able to string more than two sentences together, "lengthy". Gee wizz, I thought, I can't wait to read this. I had a quick search and found the entire document reproduced in full at the Torygraph site. Unfortunately, it doesn't quite live up to its hype and is altogether balanced and respectful. Let's contrast the hype with the fact.
Hype: Anderson is described as "a bit of a pussy"
Fact: "Anderson is hugely improved and has gained a yard and is bowling well. He is swinging the ball well". Sounds like a bit of a wrap to me. Langer does then go onto to say that Anderson doesn't have great confidence in himself but is altogether more balanced than the hype.
Hype: Andrew Strauss could be too "conservative"
Fact: Well after KP and Freddie as skipper, I think England need a bit of conservatism. Langer also preempted this comment with "Andrew Strauss is a very solid character and excellent bloke" and followed his conservative comment with "He is batting well". All in all, very complimentary about Andrew.
Hype: Test newcomer Ravi Bopara had an annoying strut which should be ignored
Fact: Langer does say this but more in the context of telling the Australian players not to get caught up in sledging for the sake of it: "I would leave him alone and just bowl at him rather than letting our egos take away our focus". Langer also says, which has not been reported at all, "Ravi Bopara is a good player" and "he is a respectful young guy". Langer seems to be saying "watch out" more than anything here.
Hype: Wicketkeeper Matt Prior had a "massive ego"
Fact: He does say this but also mentions "He can be dangerous because he is a talented stroke player"
Unfortunately, I found it all a bit disappointing. I was hoping for real insights such as
"Flintoff wears ladies underwear when he bowls"; or
"Alastair Cook still wets the bed"; or even
"Collingwood actually comes from South London"
Alas no, and what Langer actually wrote was either blindingly obvious or very tame and respectful. I want dirt and anger !
Justin Langer's mind powers extend from secret dossiers to palm reading and spirit channeling
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If
"Langer" +
"Opinions" +
"Email" =
"Dossier"
then
"England" +
"collapse" +
"media" =
"panic and craziness"
England are quickly undoing all the good work they have put in over the past 5 or 6 years. They have been diligent in building a team, showing faith and not panicking. Now they seem to be going back to 1989 and talking about picking a cricket team like a football team and drafting in people for an all or nothing assault at The Oval. Well, that's what the papers tell me and if we learnt anything from the disappointment of the Langer Dossier, it was to not always believe the hype. Anyway, let's believe the hype and have a peak at four of the contenders to understand why they are not the answer.
Stuart Law: My favourite contender by a mile. Still miffed at only playing a single Test for Australia and not having a batting average courtesy of a 54 not out, Stuart qualifies through an English wife and living there since 2004. He had some interesting thoughts on the matter including
"I'm not even a year older than Ramprakash so if he is a chance I must be a chance as well"
and
"Graham Gooch and Alec Stewart retired when they were in their 40s so that just about puts me in my prime to play for England"
and
"They are talking about everyone else so I'm putting my hand up as well"
Something tells me he is having a little fun with it all. Let's hope he gets picked, it would make for some interesting sledging. I wonder what The Langer Dossier says about this potential English player ?
Marcus Trescothick: I feel sorry for Marcus. He had an awful technique but a very good record at all levels of the game. Then came his breakdown (his problems were always there by his own admission but they finally got on top of him) and he has very successfully played county cricket only since then. In the lead up to the 5th Test, there has been such speculation of his reemergence that he pressured himself into thinking about a comeback. He pressured himself so much in fact, that he had a terrible dream about it,
"In fact, that has been the case to such an extent that the other day I woke up at 6.30am from a terrible dream"
This was a turning point for Marcus
"I woke up in a cold sweat. Perhaps that told me something"
Arh, yes Marcus, perhaps it did. A sad story and a talent lost
Robert Key: My lasting memory of Rob Key is watching England in the SCG nets with Dave in early January 2003, right next to a huge screen which was re-telling the story of the famous Bodyline series. Rob seemed totally bamboozled by it all and must have spent 5 minutes standing in front of the giant TV screen whilst wearing a deep, deep frown. One of his teammates walked over to him and whispered a few soothing things in his ear, whereupon Rob shook his head once more and moved over to start practise with the rest of the team. I still maintain that he had no idea what bodyline actually was. Part of me still thinks he was wondering what the great big talky box was as well.
Rob never really succeeded at Test level and averages a tick over 30 in the top flight. He has transformed himself into a respected elder statesman in recent years, appears well liked by the current English team and has captained the English 2nd XI.
The phrase most associated with Mr Key is "Billy Bunter like" which gives you a good insight into his fitness regime. At least he is only 30 so represents a relatively long term prospect.
Mark Ramprakash: Ramps should have been the player of his generation. Instead, he was the flop of his generation. A wonderfully talented batsman, he never could break through at Test level and despite playing 52 Tests, only averages 27 at the highest level. The last few years, he has been a county run machine, churning out hundred after hundred and decimating all that bowl to him.
If England pick him for The Oval, then all England cricket fans should kiss goodbye to any progress in the last half decade and get ready for years of woeful failures. Picking Ramps would be all of the worst selection ideas come at once, all of the idiocy revisited that ruined many good English player and saw them drop to the very bottom of the Test playing rung. It would signal a return to the bad old selection policies and a plung into cricketing hell from which there are very few escapes. The worst three England cricket selecting mistakes and their application to Ramps are
1. Picking cricket teams like they are football teams, cycling people in and out, picking a crack "one off" team. Cricket is such a mental game, people need to feel comfortable, not always battling for their place. Ramps is never going to play for England again, why pick him for one last hurrah ?
2. Picking successful county players without considering whether they will be successful at Test level. Ramps has scored loads of county hundreds without the pressure of international cricket and against division 2 county bowlers. Does that really get him ready for the focus of an "all or nothing" comeback ?
3. Going for experience / the old bloke. Why go for a 40 year old when you could bring in someone at least a decade younger ? Physicality is the same in everyone, our reflexes and hand eye are less at 40 than they were at 25; tabloid leadcampaigns don't change that.
Over the past 7 years Ramps has built himself up into a legend of the county game, someone even Justin Langer aspires to be like. Why would he risk changing that and instead being always remembered as the bloke that came back and failed ? He should be remembered as a master batsman who could have been an international legend. Oh, and a sequined dancer of course !
Up close, Mark Ramprakash looks every single one of his 40 years
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