The morning of the first Test dawned and I almost got my preferred bowling attack but Nathan Hauritz snuck in front of 2006 / 07 hero Stuart Clark on the highly dubious grounds of the pitch being too dry. Hmm, yes well, I am sure leaves on the train lines, causing mass cancellations all over British Rail, sounded plausible at the time as well.
Once play got started, it was meekness all around. Australia started quietly with too much loose stuff from Johnson while Cook and Strauss worked the ball around nicely. Just as England looked like getting away, Cook played a woeful shot, hanging the bat out to dry and Hussey took a blinder at gully. Good catch but soft shot. If England ended the day behind, it could be traced back to that shot.
Next to go, Strauss got a fast short one from Johnson but played it like he had never seen a short ball before and gloved it into the slips; not the short of shot you should be seeing from your opener. He clearly learnt from Philip Hughes during the Australian's recent stay at Middlesex.
Next to go was a man whom I am convinced really had never seen a bouncer, Ravi Bopara. Ravi played his first bouncer with the worst technique I have seen since Danny Morrison from New Zealand headbutted a bouncer from Craig McDermott. Ravi just sort of let the ball from Siddle hit him in throat. The worst thing from an Australian point of view is that despite Siddle walking down the pitch, all he did was stare at Bopara; no swearing, no spitting on his shoes, nothing. How on earth do we expect to win the Ashes when everyone has been told to be on their best behaviour ? Imagine telling Steve Waugh or Alan Border that there was to be no sledging ? There would have been instant strike. Anyway, Johnson put Ravi out of his misery, deceiving him for a second time with his slower ball. If there is a bandwagon full of people not convinced about Bopara at 3 then find it, buy me a ticket and help me get my bags in the boot, because I am now on it.
Pieterson and Collingwood then looked solid until KP perished playing a somewhat odd shot. OK, it was a little more than odd. Sir Geoff Boycott called it "stupid" and described KP as a "dozy so-and-so". Most Australians would would know this dismissal as a "Falcon", the act of bouncing the ball off ones head, and it is great to see it makes its way into an Ashes series. Kevin, you are ever the innovator.
Any who got KP's wicket ? Yes, that's right it was the Stanford's Lap's very own Nathan Hauritz. Nathan's low expectations worked a treat. KP himself paid Nathan a compliment of sorts, noting it was not easy to put him out of the ground each ball
"It was hard to hit him down the ground for straight sixes"
Well, I suppose that is better than it being easy to belt him over long on
SBS Australia commentator, and fellow spinner, Stuart McGill was just pretty chuffed Nathan didn't come to any physical harm whilst bowling
"The good news is that he (Hauritz) bowled to Kevin Pietersen and Paul Collingwood for a long period of time and didn't get hurt"
Oh low expectations, is there nothing you can't solve ?
Speaking of the SBS Australia commentary, Rodney Hogg has joined the team. Hoggy took 41 wickets in the 1978/79 Ashes and is a fairly quirky character. Cricinfo's profile is short but contains a couple of gems
"He once had his wife erase the videotape of a soft dismissal while batting in a Test, saying he did not want his son to see him as a coward. Later, he fulfilled a long-held ambition to open a greengrocery"
Fast bowling: the gateway to shopkeeping
Anyway, Prior got some good quick runs and his batting continues to impress me and even Flintoff looked capable with the bat again. England squandered a chance to really put their mark on this series through some weak batting but at 7/336 on a pitch that is already wearing badly, they are clearly ahead. Australia need to restrict them to under 350 or risk being bowled out cheaply by England's spinners. Broad is the key this morning as he is capable of proper cricket shots and can make a stylish 60 or 70. If he does that Australia are gone in this Test
Who says 20 20 has influenced Test cricket ? Not Kevin Pieterson, commenting with his tongue out, eyes closed and the ball bouncing off the head
Aside from KP and Nathan, all eyes were on Mitchell Johnson. As Dave rightly mentions, it only took about 10 minutes for Sky to roll out Botham to explain in detail why Mitchell would never swing the ball. It wasn't a bad explanation ... but not complete.
Unknown to most cricket followers, fellow cricket obsessive Bryce Thompson has been hard at work researching Johnson's technique. So much so, that he emailed Cricket Australia CEO James Sutherland with the results of his analysis
"It’s there for everyone to see – the ring finger on the left hand tucked up kissing the ball at the moment of release"
What are we paying Troy Cooley for if this is yet to be sorted out ? Bryce is still yet to receive a reply which speaks volumes about our recent plunge from the top of the ICC rankings.
Bryce also pointed Standford's Lap to the real reason why Johnson looked a little out of sorts: Mum and Girlfriend trouble. It seems Mitch's Mum is a bit upset that he has been taking his girlfriend on tour and leaving her at home, even going so far as to call Jessica Bratich "bitchy". She also laments recent lack of contact with her son
"Up until he met Jessica we were very close . . . but he hasn't spent a night under my roof since he met Jessica"
Looking at recent sightings of Jessica, I agree that it is a total mystery why a 27 year old would choose to spend his evenings with his girlfriend rather than watching TV with Mum.
Whilst on the subject of WAGs, I see that a war has broken out between WAGs of the different Australian sporting codes. The cricket WAGs appear to perform admirably against their opposite numbers but have a very long way to go before they can compete with their English Football counterparts.
Enough about the WAGs, on with Day 2 !
Jessica Bratich and Mitchell Johnson pop down to the shops for a pint of milk and a loaf of bread
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