The Australian selectors announced the squad for the 3rd Test in Perth yesterday and what an amazing bunch of confused and questionable offerings it was. Honestly, I know I keep saying it but the selectors, and Chairman Hilditch in particular, need to be sacked. OK, not just sacked but shot. The lack of long term planning and complete absence of consistency is utterly unacceptable.
When I read the changes that Hilditch had offered, presumably after a thorough examination of a pig's entrails and staring at the tea leaves in the bottom of his cup for 30 minutes, I am not too proud to admit that I was speechless, literally speechless, as I tried to explain to a work colleague my thoughts. For a New Zealander, I thought he was very understanding. We are in total disarray, with our pants down, spinning around in a circle slapping the top of our head randomly. Former Australian fast bowler, Stuart Clark, who is fast becoming a cricket writer of some note, summarised it well with
"I am not convinced that another round of chopping and changing is going to fix things"
That article has a couple of quite interesting takes on cricket from a bowler's perspective by the way.
Anyway, we have gone mad and are England at their very worst. Let's hope this is indeed our worst. There are four main changes, if we exclude the re-inclusion of Ben Hilfenhaus who I still think was out with a bit of a niggle last Test, and each are well worth dwelling on. So, with heavy heart, a strong longing for our great players of 5 years ago and the knowledge that we will not be re-claiming the Ashes this year, lets have a look at the rotten fruits of Andrew Hilditch's barren loins.
Steven Smith: We have replaced specialist batsman Marcus North with Steven Smith, who a few months ago was our next Test spinner I seem to remember, despite him not having made a hundred this season. I wonder when the last time we did that was? No room for Usman Khawaja unfortunately and I worry when Uzzi is going to get his shot now.
It is disappointing that we have got to a point where we have so little options but maybe Smith's selection isn't as crazy as it seems. He clearly has loads of potential, perhaps to be a genuine Test all-rounder in the Richie Benaud mould. He is also an amazing fielder. The problem is, he isn't yet a Test class batsman or bowler so we need to manage him correctly. He needs to know his position is safe and let him learn his game at this level. We need to make sure he isn't broken before the comes into his own.
He is clearly improving though. For example, he took 8 wickets and made 8 and 46 not out in the Shield game that finished yesterday. He will certainly add some energy to the team.
Selection madness rating: 2 Hilditches
Steven Smith shows off the technique that saw him chosen as a specialist batsman for the 3rd Ashes Test in Perth
Philip Hughes: I was very excited when Philip Hughes burst onto the scene a couple of years ago. I follow the Shield scores pretty closely and Hughes was just an absolute run machine. Then he started making runs in one day games as well as 20 20. He was truly the next Ricky Ponting. Unfortunately, I made the mistake that most others made: I forgot to check whether his technique would let him replicate this success at the next level. Well, a couple of Tests against England showed us the answer and he has been in a downward spiral ever since. This year, in 7 Shield bats he is averaging 17 having made 118 runs without even a 50, let alone a hundred. He did make an 80 against England in the Australia A match but these are terrible figures.
So, rather than being about to be dropped from the NSW team, he finds himself promoted to the Australian team (without, I may add, any form at all having made 4 and 0 in his last game). Are our stocks really that low that this season's performance gets him in the team? Sadly, probably; no other Shield opener is setting the world on fire.
Word on the street says that he has been working hard on his technique and trying to make sure he stops jumping away to leg each ball (I have a tear in my eye as I type that about a Test batsman; and a NSW one at that !). The proof is in the Perth pudding. One thing is certain: he is sure going to get some bouncers and rip work.
Selection madness rating: 4 Hilditches
Philip Hughes demonstrates his "homespun" batting technique that proved so successful against the same team 18 months ago
Mitchell Johnson: Look, do we have any idea of what we think of the man with the pussycat tattoo, Mitchell Johnson? First we drop him after not just bowling poorly in Brisbane but for quite a few Tests before that. Then we don't let him, despite him asking, play Shield cricket. Instead, we keep him with the team (when was the last time we did that to an Australian player dropped in Australia?) and have him work in the nets for a few days with bowling tsar, Troy Cooley.
Then, after having played exactly 0 games to see if he has improved, the man with the pussycat tattoo is back again. Do we really have no other options? The Australian selectors should read this absolutely excellent article from Peter Roebuck, who is writing so well at the moment I think he might be on the roids, in which he explains the mind of Mitchell Johnson and in effect, the reasons why he is never going to succeed. By way of a teaser
"Had the Queenslander followed the well-established cricketing path he might have been better prepared for the life that awaited him. Instead, he has been promoted and pampered in an unprecedented manner and therefore denied the hard yards endured by comrades like Ryan Harris. Everyone could see his potential. And everyone was excited by it. The grapevine works well in Australian cricket. Unfortunately it can also cause distortions, prevent proper development"
Let's just bin this pampered, metro girlyman as quickly as possible. We need blokes with heart, not blokes who bowl badly if they have had a terse word or two with their mums. And we certainly don't need any pussycat tattoos.
Selection madness rating: 4 Hilditches
Mitchell Johnson gets in some much needed practise for the 3rd Test in Perth
Michael Beer: I still struggle to find words to express quite how angry I am with this selection, although I thought Stuart McGill's choice of '"gobsmacked" and '"unqualified" were a pretty good start. Let's start at the beginning.
Michael Beer first played First Class cricket on the 10th of October, 2010. By my calculations, this was 62 days before he was included in the Australian cricket team. During this time, has he played 5 first class games (4 Shield games and a game against England) and was starting a 6th game when he found out that he was an international cricketer. In this comprehensive career, he has taken 16 wickets in total (not in a game or season, in his first class career) at an average of 40 with a best bowling of 3/39. Not really the sort of amazing start that you would expect, given his call up, 62 days into his professional cricket career.
Didn't you used to have to earn a baggy green ? Wasn't it valued and precious? Not any more, all the kids have got one. If ever you wanted an example of the crazy "every kid wins a prize" society that we live in, this is it. Do we really expect Michael to handle pressure when he has had to fight for nothing to get into the team?
Incredibly (although I no longer find anything that our selectors do to be incredible any more), even Hilditch himself seemed fairly shocked by his own decision.
"The reality is, he's got no international experience and it's a big call from us to throw him into this position"
Umm, yes it is a fairly big call Andrew. You seemed surprised he was included, does the cleaner pick the team or something now?
"But everything we get back is [he is] someone who is going to handle that pressure, which is critical."
Note the use of the phrase "everything we get back". In this you should read, "none of us have ever seen him before but Warne mentioned him a few weeks ago so I thought maybe we would give him a go".
Look, I hope he does well, I really do. But my point is, if he succeeds it will be total luck and the selection will still have been a wing and a prayer by a bunch of blokes with no plan. There is just no way someone can have seen the magical "something special" in 62 days, 5 games, 16 wickets and one or two 3 wicket hauls. Beer is another log on the bonfire of Australian spin bowling that we set alight when Warne retired.
Selection madness rating: 5 Hilditches
Chairman of Selectors, Andrew Hilditch, let me introduce you to Michael Beer (lucky number: 62). Get a good look, he won't be around long
Anyway, there they are: our chosen few. I am sick of all the chopping and changing, let's see some cocks on the block this time. Let the selectors live and die by these ideas. Let's, seriously, just leave them all there for 15 Tests with no changes, except in the case of serious injury. There is no way we could do any worse and we might just create a few international players out of it. More than likely, we are going to bury a few blokes in the process, but what have we got to lose? Both our pride and the series are gone so let's double up, go all in. At least we will all learn how many puns of "Beer" can be created.
Come on Aussie, come on, come on. Come on Aussie, come on
Anyone?
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